"I have always believed in the Imperial Truth. That man needs no gods, just faith in the light of reason, and the twin powers of science and sorcery. I left this world still believing, even as I believed the Emperor of Belka was the greatest man, by deeds and thoughts, ever to have lived. He denied his divinity, and when his Legion, the Word Bearers proclaimed him a divine being, he smashed the city they had made in his honor, Monarchia, and made them kneel in the dust."
He closes his eyes briefly, straightening.
"I came back into this world convinced of my secular truths, and was comforted by them. I had faith, for faith has a quality, even when religion is gone. But my faith is broken now. The Emperor of Belka has declared himself God-Emperor of Mankind, and acts as a divinity, to the point that the other gods acknowledge him as such. I served him as a man, and wish to serve him still but.... I feel as though the philosophical underpinnings of all I have done, all we would have done have become frayed somehow. I will not sway from my loyalty but I wonder If I have not somehow become a hypocrite. I am a man two generations removed by magical means from a being that is now a God. It weighs on me a great deal. My beliefs seem old and outdated compared to all the faiths that have risen up, and yet... while I believe the Emperor protects, and obey his orders to me, I still view things through the lens of the Imperial Truth. The Emperor is still a man to me, though this is manifestly not so, and I still despise the gods. They still war with the Emperor, and thus humanity, and I fight against them."
He bows his head, "And I win, every time. Be it Viridi, or the things Avshar worshipped, or even the mysterious Servants of the grail war, I cast them down and break them. I fight for humanity and Rome, sacrificing lives and my own pride where need be. And yet... The question of the Emperor's divinity unsettles me. I no longer know fear, but I have misgivings. I have proven my skill and worth as a war-leader, and have even managed some political matters but I feel as though the very ground beneath my seat is supported by nothing but porous sand."
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He closes his eyes briefly, straightening.
"I came back into this world convinced of my secular truths, and was comforted by them. I had faith, for faith has a quality, even when religion is gone. But my faith is broken now. The Emperor of Belka has declared himself God-Emperor of Mankind, and acts as a divinity, to the point that the other gods acknowledge him as such. I served him as a man, and wish to serve him still but.... I feel as though the philosophical underpinnings of all I have done, all we would have done have become frayed somehow. I will not sway from my loyalty but I wonder If I have not somehow become a hypocrite. I am a man two generations removed by magical means from a being that is now a God. It weighs on me a great deal. My beliefs seem old and outdated compared to all the faiths that have risen up, and yet... while I believe the Emperor protects, and obey his orders to me, I still view things through the lens of the Imperial Truth. The Emperor is still a man to me, though this is manifestly not so, and I still despise the gods. They still war with the Emperor, and thus humanity, and I fight against them."
He bows his head, "And I win, every time. Be it Viridi, or the things Avshar worshipped, or even the mysterious Servants of the grail war, I cast them down and break them. I fight for humanity and Rome, sacrificing lives and my own pride where need be. And yet... The question of the Emperor's divinity unsettles me. I no longer know fear, but I have misgivings. I have proven my skill and worth as a war-leader, and have even managed some political matters but I feel as though the very ground beneath my seat is supported by nothing but porous sand."