The dictator and the Senator

[greyerrant]

Darkness falls over Imperial City, as the dictator of Rome quietly looks out over the plateau, crystal sparking in the night. He stands at the railing of his guest quarters, holding a blank scroll in his hands, pacing back and forth. Troubled and disquieted, his once phlegmatic soul has been twisted by uncertainty, darkness and conflict as it has been since his summoning by Nero, not so long ago. He half crumples the roll, then unfurls it, continuing to pace, like a trapped animal.

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[border_of_phantasm]

And without warning, a voice comes from behind.

"Troubled, oh Dictator?

[greyerrant]

"Indeed I am, Senator. I have several announcements to make in the upcoming days.... ones that will change Rome. And yet... they are not what trouble me. No, it is a more basic question. One of Faith."

He looks west, towards the Rift.

"How much of my story do you know? I'll be explaining it all, soon enough, but I suspect you know much if it already. I'll fill in the gaps where I can, but you need to understand my story if you want to know why I'm troubled."

[border_of_phantasm]

I would say I know... enough. Say what you must, Dictator.

[greyerrant]

"I have always believed in the Imperial Truth. That man needs no gods, just faith in the light of reason, and the twin powers of science and sorcery. I left this world still believing, even as I believed the Emperor of Belka was the greatest man, by deeds and thoughts, ever to have lived. He denied his divinity, and when his Legion, the Word Bearers proclaimed him a divine being, he smashed the city they had made in his honor, Monarchia, and made them kneel in the dust."

He closes his eyes briefly, straightening.

"I came back into this world convinced of my secular truths, and was comforted by them. I had faith, for faith has a quality, even when religion is gone. But my faith is broken now. The Emperor of Belka has declared himself God-Emperor of Mankind, and acts as a divinity, to the point that the other gods acknowledge him as such. I served him as a man, and wish to serve him still but.... I feel as though the philosophical underpinnings of all I have done, all we would have done have become frayed somehow. I will not sway from my loyalty but I wonder If I have not somehow become a hypocrite. I am a man two generations removed by magical means from a being that is now a God. It weighs on me a great deal. My beliefs seem old and outdated compared to all the faiths that have risen up, and yet... while I believe the Emperor protects, and obey his orders to me, I still view things through the lens of the Imperial Truth. The Emperor is still a man to me, though this is manifestly not so, and I still despise the gods. They still war with the Emperor, and thus humanity, and I fight against them."

He bows his head, "And I win, every time. Be it Viridi, or the things Avshar worshipped, or even the mysterious Servants of the grail war, I cast them down and break them. I fight for humanity and Rome, sacrificing lives and my own pride where need be. And yet... The question of the Emperor's divinity unsettles me. I no longer know fear, but I have misgivings. I have proven my skill and worth as a war-leader, and have even managed some political matters but I feel as though the very ground beneath my seat is supported by nothing but porous sand."

[border_of_phantasm]

What are gods but beings of power? If he was once a man and now has acquired such recognition, is it not something to be proud of?

[greyerrant]

"They are beings of power that we had thought we had outgrown. We were determined to make our own way and build a golden age without their help. And so, it is the principle of the thing that rakes at me. He has become what we fought so many wars to stamp out, what he himself denied."

Loken closes his eyes. "Every time one of his Guard comes before me, or one of the Warrior-Kings of Ultramar accompanies me into battle, I am struck by how the world has changed since the Great Crusade. I know I am still needed.... and I know I will never deny him. I have paid so many times for my loyalty already, at Istvaan, at the final battle, and even in Rome."

Garviel sighs, "I think the world I had hoped to build will never be, and while moving forward under the banner of the God-Emperor will ensure a good place for Rome and all mankind, it will never be quite the same as what Belka was. I must somehow accept I can't have it all back. My brothers are dead, my newly-made companions amongst the Legiones Astartes don't know the history as I do, and I'm a relic, consumed by uncertainty and rage. I can lead, I can fight, and I can win... but I must accept that this world will compromise the ideals I once held so dearly."

[border_of_phantasm]

"And are you unwilling or unable to adapt?" Yukari says with a smirk. "The first is stupidity, the second is foolishness. I had thought you a better man. Times change, people change. You have but to make your lot in life, whatever it may be."

[greyerrant]

"Neither. I must simply be careful that in changing, I do not compromise myself or my morals. Mostly... what I need to know, is what the world and humanity needs me to be? For a little while longer, Rome will require something of a tyrant, until it is sorted out. I have taken that mantle. I know I must fight, and at times I must lead, I just... am slowly coming to accept the Emperor as a God, instead of as a figure I knew in flesh. What he will be to me is always different from what he will be to his latter day followers, and I must strive not to resent or be disgusted by them. And I must accept a title that hurts more than any epithet Lucius threw at me. I must accept that I am now an Angel of Death, the Emperor's angel. And for me, knowing my own humble origins, that is the hardest step of all. There was once no mystery and mythology to me, and now I must become a sort of conduit to the divine."

He pauses, and smiles, "Forgive me for so ill-using you, Yukari, I simply needed a sounding board to fully resolve myself, before I take decisive action during the Summer Court."

[border_of_phantasm]

"There is no weakness in wishing aid," Yukari says with a smile. "None can act and work alone. What is important is that you stand by your ideals and decisions, but not to the point of rigid inflexibility. You will probably be fine."